I am wildly unprepared for my midterm on Wednesday, feel like I've been completely neglecting all my priorities and thus feel incredibly guilty, probably won't get financial aid for study abroad because I'm an idiot who didn't get things done, am realizing that the semester is ending incredibly fast and feel like I missed the whole thing, am hungry but also full at the same time and not having the best body image day, have a bunch of inescapable final projects approaching that will demand my attention for the entire rest of the semester, can't figure myself out and thus end up in these messy personal situations where I'm not sure who I'm hurting and not sure who I can/should depend on, and just spilled really, really cold water all over myself and the futon I was sitting on.
|Stupid jerk David Brooks trying to spin on Lehrer|
This isn't because I think I'm great, but because I'm normally really disappointed by politicians, and because I care a lot. So don't take it the wrong way.
Tonight's speech was the first time in my entire life that I have ever watched a speech and not thought immediately of how I could do better. Even good speeches I have always wished would go farther; be more courageous. There was a moment when I was watching this and -- well, my reaction was worry, because if this doesn't work, I am for once entirely unsure that I could top it. And writing speeches is what I'm good at.
|dad watching "The Biggest Loser"|
This is what I want to say:
I have the most incredible, extraordinary, unparalleled friends in the entire world.
The band concert, selling cookies beforehand, sitting on the floor during symphonic and concert band, Floboe missions and congratulations afterward, Clue, doing a Frieda-dance, getting completely excited about arranging ourselves in order of hair color, holding hands and laughing and being scared even though it isn't scary, knowing that you have something that's real and that's undeniably good and that will never change: it was one of those nights, where you know what it's all about.
That is all.
PS I seem to write a lot of entries that are almost exactly like this. But that's because it's tantamount importance to everything.
Don't insulate. Don't think about the numbers. Think about the people, the people who are and the people who aren't. Don't get sucked into the details, clipped precise news, it doesn't matter. Forget the small problems and worries, not because they are unimportant, but because for this moment we need to be focused on that which is larger than all else. Don't get scared. Don't get depressed. That doesn't equal finding meaning or making it better or caring. Don't think you shouldn't cry. Don't think you should. Don't fake anything. Don't fake anything. Don't force yourself to be the way that you think you should be. Just now, let everything go; look hard at each other's faces, close your eyes. Feel the blue sky. That is the best rememberance.
(if you're really confused, turn on the news.)
Math -- Ms. K is late because of the beautiful snow. Emilyk, Henry, Jon Fraatz, and I play Eucher. Jon and I win. Heckyeah...even with me being bad at new card games.
Band -- Vesuvius the whole time. Is it because I was there, and saw it, and learned about Pompeii my whole life? Is that it? Songs aren't supposed to move you this much every single time. But it does this to me! My current theory is that it's because of the name, and I think about Vesuvius and how much the place itself means to me. Nevertheless, we should have band like that every day.
English -- we discovered that everyone in the entire world was wearing green except Brenna and Cate and Jacob. Discussing in small groups was really fun! Even though Tom told everyone the almost-ending. I think that we should do that more often.
Lunch -- I got to see Heidi, and Callie made puppy chow, and Henry is a bad liar. Well, the lie itself is told well, but he needs to pick more plausible situations to lie about.
Physics -- My table is awesome. And I found the apple. I can't believe Reed betrayed me while we were holding hands. And yet, I love him dearly.
IP -- "Crab Canon" is amazing.
French -- forced "Crab Canon" on Jennica and Emma.
I love you.
Hi guys. This is going to be the only entry in my journal that isn't friends-only, because it's the entry telling you all that my journal is friends-only. It's not because I don't want people I know reading my entries, it's because I don't want people I DON'T know reading my entries. Therefore, if you know me, friend me, and it'll all work out. This was really friends-only before, but I thought I ought to write and make it official. So that means Jamie, and other people who don't have usernames, you won't be able to read my stuff unless you get an account. It's just too creepy and weird on the internet to have anyone be able to read anything I write, even though I know no one really cares. So you should just get a name -- you don't have to use it, I just have to be able to friend you. Really, you really don't have to use it at all.
I'm sick, so that was probably sort of convoluted. But you get the idea. Friends-only. People I know, you're fine. People I don't know...not so good.
5 YEARS AG0.....
How old were you?: 11
Where did you go to school? Sullivan!
Where did you work? nowhere
Where did you live? Minneapolis
Where did you hang out? Carlye's, Laura's, Kaycie's
How was your hair style? really really long
Did you wear braces?: probably
Did you wear glasses?: yes I did
Who was your best friend(s)?: Carlye, Laura, Kaycie, Katrina
Who was your celebrity crush? ha, I don't think I had one
Who was your regular-person crush? George 3!
How many tattoos did you have?: oh, like, twenty. I was one wild eleven-year-old
How many piercings did you have?: ears, I think
What car did you drive?: in my head I drove a VW Bug
What was your favorite band/group: Simon and Garfunkel I'm sure
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: nope
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?: nope
Had you driven yet?: no
Had you been to a real party yet?: nope
Had your heart broken?: nope
**HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!**
How old are you?: 16
What grade are you in?: going into 11th...wow
Where do you go to school?: South!!!
Where do you work?: nowhere
Where do you live: Minneapolis
Where do you hang out?: the Schlatters', Brackett, Minnehaha, Birchwood and Clicquot, all your houses, my house
How is your hair style?: not as long but still long, more layers
Do you have braces?: no
Do you wear glasses?: yeah
Still talk to any of your old friends: yes I do!!!!! and I love them very much.
Who is your celebrity crush?: heheheheh. strangely, there's a list. Starting with CJ.
Who is your regular-person crush?: Blah.
How many piercings do you have?: ears
How many tattoos?: one thousand
What kind of car do you have?: a bicycle
What is your favorite singer/band/group?: REM, James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, musicals, Jack Johnson, Counting Crows, TMBG, all that good stuff
Have you smoked a cigarette?: no I have not
Have you gotten drunk or high yet?: nope, and not planning on it
Has your heart been broken?: it sounds tragic to say yes but I suppose it's a pretty straightforward question
I just watched Dirty Dancing.
I want to learn to dance.
Not dirty though.
But I suck at dancing.
But I wish I could dance.
Hey you guys...let's learn to dance.
OK, I'm going to go now.
I love you infinitesimally
PS CALLIE'S BACK!!!!! I'm so excited. Hi Callie.
PPS WORLD CUP FINALS TOMORROW let's have a party.
1. Christiano Ronaldo should grow up and stop diving.
2. If Zinedine Zidane and France don't win tomorrow, God has no mercy.
3. Oliver Kahn should have been happier.
4. People should pay attention to Nunogomes' impossible header for Portugal's only goal, and stop trying to make Germany's story better. It's good enough without ignoring that play.
5. My desk looks AWESOME.
6. OK, Luis Figo is way cool.
7. He, Ricardo, and Deco deserve better, because the rest of Portugal's exasperatingly immature. But their win over England was still unbelievable.
8. Petit's going to go home and cry, and Nunovalente wins for being nice to him, though it still doesn't excuse all those fouls.
9. And even though it hit off Petit's foot, it would have gone in anyway, so why not give him a break and Schweinsteiger the hat trick?
10. There's something impossible and entirely lovely about that game.
11. There's something impossible and lovely about...you! I'm looking at pretty much all of you staring out at me from my newly decorated desk, and it's making me very happy.
12. I need to go to Office Max. But first, I need to work on Health. I hate having things to do during the summer.
13. I love you.
Notice: I didn't write this. Some guy named Richard Jackson did. I just liked it. For my poetry, you have to go to joyous_poet.
I read this poem and really, really fell in love with it.
Blessed be the year climbing its cliffs, the month crossing the fields
of hours and days, the bridges of minutes, the grass where we stood
that first moment, the festival music keeping our time, the hood
of the season's sky above us, the moment's fictive shield
against history, her tattered glance, her broken smile, everything real
or imagined, bless the rivers I invented to carry us, the woods
I planted as our own, bless even the sweet hurt, even the herd
of stars that trample my real heart which she has taught to heal.
Blessed be these trackless words running downstream
following the remote valleys she has cut through my life,
and blessed be the sounds they cannot make, but mean,
and blessed be all these pages watermarked with her name,
these thoughts that wander the unmapped roads of strife
and love, her blessed world whose dream is always a dream.